While the INFJ can and does invest in relationships in external ways such as in the practical and material, the INFJs attention is much more attuned and invested in the internal. Above all else, a shared connection of the internal world is the greatest gift an INFJ offers in a relationship.

The main approach to creating this connection is through cultivating harmony with their partner, as the INFJ believes that it will lead to deep connection and fulfilment for the couple. Unfortunately, this core value can be a liability for INFJs if the other person doesn’t share or recognise this value.

The INFJ needs to create a space that allows the Ni self to take shape, to shape the INFJ, to shape the world. Like the many paradoxes that make up the INFJ, this space is also paradoxical. This space is in the world but not of the world.

The INFJs most natural state is when they are consciously unconscious: having one foot in the conscious moment and the other in the unconscious continuum. The unsettledness others may feel is likely connected to the unfamiliar feeling felt in the presence of someone who is operating seamlessly in two realms of consciousness. The INFJ can stand in this gap effortlessly; in fact it is where they belong. INFJs occupy these two spaces as one complete space - where the temporal meets the supertemporal.

This illustration helps explain the underlying dynamics and process of how childhood pain (roots) leads to a faulty sense of self, which in turn can lead to some form of dependency to cope with that pain, leading to problems to adulthood (fruit).

Downloadable copy of "10 Truths Every Parent of an INFJ Needs to Know", and supporting video.

Ni can function in two distinct ways; I call them Top-heavy and Bottom-heavy Ni. While both could be said to live in the unconscious or at the very least mirror the unconscious, Top-heavy (TH) Ni is consciously experienced by the INFJ, while bottom-heavy (BH) Ni acts like a quiet yet powerful guider or influencer. Let’s start with TH Ni.

INFJs process the script of life very differently. A lot of it is unconscious narrative and almost beyond the reach of the INFJ themselves. On the outside they can look like everybody else, however existential eternal type questions are being digested all the time. These questions require the deep in order to process. However the processing in some ways is just out of reach for the INFJ, who keeps one Ni on it at all times.

INFJ’s dominant function Ni often goes unnoticed growing up. This is partly due to being introverted, however it has a lot to do with being misunderstood, missed, and therefore rejected. The outer rejection of Ni by others, can lead to an inner rejection of Ni in the self.

Let's have a look at the final preference of Perceiving and Judging. To understand this preference from a MBTI® point of view, it is all about how you engage the outer world.

This week we are looking at the Thinking / Feeling preference. To understand this preference from a MBTI® point of view, it is important to highlight that it is one of the mental processes. This one being a Judging process because it is all about how you come to make decisions. Keep in mind that there are no wrong or right preferences.

Let's have a look at the Sensing / Intuition preference. To understand this preference from a MBTI® point of view, it is important to highlight that it is one of the mental processes. This one being a Perceiving process because it is all about how you take in information from the outer world; the other mental process Thinking / Feeling is a Judging process (more one that in the next article). Keep in mind that there are no wrong or right preferences.

In this video I talk about sensitivity, where it can come from, how it can be damaged in childhood and by culture, and I discuss ways to manage and ultimately embrace sensitivity.

In these 4 articles we will be highlighting the differences between the four dichotomies or preferences of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, in order for you to discover your MBTI  personality type. The dichotomies are Introversion or Extroversion, Sensing or Intuition, Thinking or Feeling, and Perceiving or Judging. 

In this video I talk about grief; what it is, how it can be experienced, the dangers of getting stuck in grief, and I outlines ways we can successfully move through the grief journey.

Everyone has a Mini-Me (aka Inner Child). Mini-Me can be any age and each person’s Mini-Me is unique to themselves. While influenced by their Mini-Me every day, adults are often not aware of him or her. Feelings of fear, anxiety, abandonment, shame, anger, withdrawal, and loneliness are often Mini-Me’s feelings. These negative feelings can originate from experiences and memories in childhood that were overwhelming or not properly processed. These experiences are often associated with the relationship attachment with the child’s significant caregivers.

Unmet needs in childhood, such as inadequate nurture, security, love, attention, and encouragement become drivers of behaviour in adult life. The more neglected these needs are in childhood the needier Mini-Me can become. Whether the Adult self is aware of their needy Mini-Me or not, Mini-Me will do everything they can to get these needs met.

We have already covered the first step of ’noticing’ Mini-Me in the previous blogs. However, to recap, by ‘noticing’ the negative feelings, and how and when they surface, a person can become aware of their Mini-Me and hence their Adult self. Once the Adult can identify Mini-Me, and what he or she feels, the Adult can then proceed to engage with Mini-Me.